Safekeep My Heart (A Marriage Prayer)

When I was young I thought that I would not have any trials or tribulations where marriage was concerned.  I thought I would have a perfect life in marriage.  Let's face it, we all do or we would not get married!

But I know now that this is not true.  Even as we joyously plan our 25th anniversary trip, I know this isn't true.  What I have learned is that sometimes we need to turn our focus away from our spouses in order to heal or grow ourselves.  This may or may not lead to a better marriage, but we do it for our own survival, or maybe even in the cases of terminal illness, for our best death.  And this is not one-sided.  Our significant others will also have such times.  Maybe it's a time to deal with past demons or an illness or chronic body ache; maybe it's a time to go within.  I had such experiences.  And so I asked God to help me with this simple prayer:

I ask You, God*, to let my husband know that my heart is in safe-keeping for him.  I also hope that his heart is in safe-keeping for me when I am ready to receive it again.  In all these things I pray in Your Name.  Amen.

Reflective questions:

1.  Do you have a significant other or spouse and this story resonates with you?  Why or why not? 

2.  Have you been or are you being called to go within?  What are you afraid of?

3.  What does God* want you to know about this (ask directly, God what do you want me to know?)

* I use the term God as a universal term.  You may decide that Great Spirit, Allah, Higher Power, etc. better suits you for today.  It is not for me to decide.

History Repeats Itself So Remember the Best Outcomes

I think that we each have at least one repetitive theme running through our lives.  For some it could be loss; for others it could be abandonment, lack of control, uncontrollable anger or too much control.  These are just a few that I could think of in a few seconds.  There must be countless others.

The importance is in the learning.  How did we respond to these similar events in the past?  Were our behaviors different each time?  What did we learn?

Reflective questions:

1   What’s the most common theme in your life?  

2.  What have you learned so far?

3.  What does God* want you to know about this (ask directly, God what do you want me to know?)

* I use the term God as a universal term.  You may decide that Great Spirit, Allah, Higher Power, etc. better suits you for today.  It is not for me to decide.

Radical Trust (Bite My Tongue)

Growing up I learned that there was a risk-taking line, a threshold, that you didn't cross.  For example, I was encouraged to NOT go into sales because commissions didn't spell security.  I learned that you needed to know where ALL your money was going.  My parents budgeted to the penny.  And don't get me wrong, the flip side is that I grew up with all the essentials... food, shelter and clothing.  But our buying decisions were always about price point and need.  And so as a wife and a mom I carry these habits and concerns into my own living.  However I am hopeful that I do not create stress for my husband and children by saying something that is fear-based (and also, by the way, is generally just speculation and NOT true).  I know that I have done this at times.  What I try to remember is that I have seen firsthand that I always have enough.  Knowing this, I try to be mindful that sometimes I need to bite my tongue and not say things that show worry.  To not say something that might instill fear in others we can invoke radical trust, knowing that God wants each of us to fulfill our dreams and that in many cases dream fulfillment requires risk-taking including things like spending saved money, taking extra classes, moving frequently, buying something that might seem extravagant to others, etc, etc.  And so I sometimes have to bite my tongue, either because my loved one are taking good risks that still scare me, or because I am taking risks myself.

Reflective questions:

1.  Do you "bite your tongue" often or not enough?    

2.  What would happen if you exercised radical trust and "bit your tongue"?

3.  What does God* want you to know about this (ask directly, God what do you want me to know?)

* I use the term God as a universal term.  You may decide that Great Spirit, Allah, Higher Power, etc. better suits you for today.  It is not for me to decide.

Living Deeply at the Surface

Sometimes I wake up in the morning with a song on the brain.  It's often not one I have heard recently but the words are usually apropos to where my thoughts have been lately.  For example, one morning I woke up with words from a religious song I had learned in my youth.  One verse is "long have I waited for your coming home to me and living deeply our new life."  If I had to guess why it was in my head, I would say that the words "new life" had been on my heart because I had done walking meditation with these words.  During this time I was trying to define what I wanted my new life, including a different career, to look like.

Mostly I wanted a life of living more deeply at the surface. Sounds like an oxymoron, right?  To me, "living deeply at the surface" means being present when I am with others, minding the everyday surface tasks with a song on my heart.

More specifically, for me, it meant leaving the hustle behind and easing into the morning with a cup of tea or coffee, then doing kitchen chores while my husband and children come in and out according to their own schedule to eat breakfast.  The calm and the interactions at the start of the day were two pieces that I knew would segway to a more meaningful life.  And so it began.  I interacted better with my family at the start of our days.  Then came the next piece.  I created space to work out of the house so that I may be part of the comings and goings of those I love profoundly, and doing work which puts me in contact with amazing people who need my skills.

Reflective questions:

1   In what ways are you living deeply?

2.  If there was one thing you could change about your own life right now, something that you have control over, what would it be?

3.  What does God* want you to know about this (ask directly, God what do you want me to know?)

* I use the term God as a universal term.  You may decide that Great Spirit, Allah, Higher Power, etc. better suits you for today.  It is not for me to decide.

God, Distract Me Please!

When I began my business I had a lot of extra time on my hands because I was waiting for new clients.  Extra time is what everyone wants but at the same time we are conditioned to be stressed during this time.  We think we should be finding small work assignments or be constantly marketing ourselves or our new business.  I have heard it before from people who have been layed off.  They feel that if they are not looking for a job every second, then the time is wasted.  I found that to be true for myself.

I have come to believe that this in-between space is sacred space.  God* wants us to have this "empty" space.  It becomes a space to connect with others or connect with ourselves.  Maybe it gives us time to have lunch with old friends or to rifle through our closet to find treasures like paints or a guitar.

Over time, and with guidance, I became more comfortable in this space.  I knew in my heart that this time would close and that I needed to follow God's lead on how to spend the time.  God wanted me to enjoy this time, to lighten up, to have fun!  Here's one thing that happened for me during this space: my brother invited me to play Wabble.  It was really fun because it was on-line (my brother lives 800 miles away) and there was a chat column next to the game board.  So while one was playing, the other was answering!  Not surprisingly, as this window of time with lots of availability was closing, the on-line game was pulled.  So I am glad I "wasted" my time by playing while I could!  

Reflective questions:

1   Are you being called to play?  Why or why not?

2.  Have you come across any old treasures lately that are calling your name?

3.  What does God* want you to know about this (ask directly, God what do you want me to know?)

* I use the term God as a universal term.  You may decide that Great Spirit, Allah, Higher Power, etc. better suits you for today.  It is not for me to decide.

Ask the Questions, I Dare You!

What is it that you want to know about yourself, your relationships, life in general?  Are some of these questions ones you'd rather not have the answers to because your gut tells you there is work to do, that the answer will be hard to swallow, that you do not know if you are equipped to make the changes?  But all the same, wouldn't you want to know?

On my forty-third birthday I asked God if I could ever have my name written among the saints.  I know, weird question to have pop into your head but I was reading Psalms for Praying by Nan C. Merrill, specifically Psalm 26, and one of the lines is a plea to God, asking that we might be considered a saint.

This was a line that really pulled at my heart strings because I felt lost and didn't know how to get to that place, so I asked God if I could ever have my name among the saints.  The response I got, what was written on my heart was "Yes, but you need to eliminate negative thoughts about what could be."  

And there it was.  The work I needed to do.  I dared to ask the question.  And don't get me wrong, the answer was hard to swallow, because it seemed like an impossible task.  At the same time, it was good to know.  And the thing is, the reminder is good for today, too, and the blessing in today's hearing is that it doesn't hurt to hear it.  

1   What’s a question that is on your heart today?

2.  What does God* want you to know about this (ask directly, God what do you want me to know?)

* I use the term God as a universal term.  You may decide that Great Spirit, Allah, Higher Power, etc. better suits you for today.  It is not for me to decide.

Making the World Better (God is in My Schedule)

Remember the advertisement from the chemical company BASF that went like this, "we don't make a lot of the products you buy, we make a lot of the products you buy better."  I thought that was an ingenious ad campaign.  I'd like to apply it to our relationship with the natural world:  we did not make the world, but we can make our world better.

I really believe this, in spite of all the negativity and bad news we are bombarded with.  Take the words and sometimes negative stance of the late James Hillman, American psychologist.  He said, "we've had a hundred years of psychotherapy - and the world's getting worse."  He seems to have believed there was too much focus on the individual, including self-help which he believed led to less doing, less action and less community interaction.

Regarding focus on the individual, my experience is that the order of attention matters, that self is very important.  However, to me, it's just not the most important.  I believe that if you put *God first, yourself second, the world and the people you come into contact with will receive much benefit.

Regarding Hillman, what got me putting my thoughts into words is that I read an excerpt of an interview with Hillman by Michael Ventura about the world getting worse due to lack of interaction.  Hillman said that he has had more resistance in trying to change people's schedules and recommended that you should ask your soul questions when you make your schedule.  Now there I think he was on to something!  In essence I think this moves us in the direction of putting God first.

I have come to say (quite frequently), "God is in my schedule."  I don't fret if I have conflicts.  For example, say I get invited to do something I really want to do, but I am already booked.  I write the latest invite on my planner, knowing that if it is something that would be good for me, that the first activity will be canceled or changed, and not by me.  I leave it to God, to the universe.  For me, putting God first means giving everything to God, even my schedule.  I know he will take care of the conflicts.  Try it.  To me it is a mystery, but it works every time; something always moves so that I have the most livable, life-giving schedule.  This is what makes the world better.

1.  Is God in your schedule?  Why or why not?  How do you feel about asking your soul what should go onto your schedule?

2.  Is there one thing you can do today to relinquish your control of your calendar?

3.  What does God* want you to know about this (ask directly, God what do you want me to know?)

* I use the term God as a universal term.  You may decide that Great Spirit, Allah, Higher Power, etc. better suits you for today.  It is not for me to decide.