Trusting in "Or Something Better"

When I hated my job, I played the lottery often.  Now, I can't remember the last time I did, maybe because I love this 'new' career I've been in for almost 9 years now. 

But even so, it has sometimes still made sense to me to say, "I want X, or something better."  For me, X might be a trip around the world or hundreds of thousands in royalties.  But the question is, have I already gotten my "something better?"  I think the answer is yes.

I've figured out that "something better" is staying in the stillness, even during times that I get antsy and I'm wanting excitement.  So this week I'm back to the things which help me lean into the times when my house is quiet....playing the piano again (the old songs really do come back with muscle memory!) and creating plates for printmaking or some other creative endeavor like writing poetry.  Of course, there's also daily journaling, but that's a given for me, I hardly ever miss it.

I would not have guessed this would continue to be the "something better," for me, but why not?  Why can't it continue to be the thing for me, my thing?  It's what I keep hearing....that there's no need to chase the next thing or to dream really, really big.  This is where it's at, in the small sacred space that is within and around me.  If things were to get really, really big, I wouldn't be doing my things.  I get it now.  I'm going to stay here because it's still the something better I've always craved.
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Now for the reflective questions which you can journal about or if you'd like to share your story, the community and I would love to hear from you!  Your comment could have a major impact on someone else.  Most likely it will be just the right thing at the right time for one of the readers. For me, God* wanted me to know that helping even just one person is wonderfully impactful.
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Reflective questions:
1.  Fill in this sentence....God, please give me _________________, or something better.  Do you trust in the something better?

2.  What does God* want you to know about this (ask directly, "God, what do you want me to know?")

* I use the term God as a universal term.  You may decide that Great Spirit, Allah, Higher Power, Sensibility, etc. better suits you today.  It is not for me to decide.

Photo by MH

Note:  These posts are part of a broader call to do spiritual journaling which is simply journaling what's on your heart and mind and then asking God* what else you should know (read more at CardinalTouch.net).

Examples of Aberrant Thoughts (Benefit of Meditation)

I've mentioned several times now that meditation benefits us; specifically, it helps us to actually be present to our thoughts, even ones that aren't true.  I've said that it helps me recognize this "worse self," my alter-ego.  I've un-originally named her, ok hijacked from my male psych 101 teacher, the name "Negative Nellie" (he shouldn't have a female alter ego anyway.) 

Anyway, Negative Nellie is with me every day and it's time I give some concrete examples:

This week, the day I had my scheduled mammogram, it was raining.  As I got out of my car, Negative Nellie sourly said, "Of course it had to be raining today!"

Because I meditate, I know her intimately, and I was able respond, "At least it's not snowing.  I love the rain.  Go away, Negative Nellie!"

What's great is it put me on heightened awareness that day.  So when I thought, "Why does the new electric toothbrush need to be on my side of the medicine cabinet?," I could counter with, "It's by the outlet, Stupid Nelly, and if it were on the other side, you'd say, 'Why do I have to go into his side of the medicine cabinet every day to get my toothbrush!"

Well, Nelly, stupid girl, I've had enough of you.  I know you will always be with me, but you will not be the boss of me!  Talk to you later.
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Now for the reflective questions which you can journal about or if you'd like to share your story, the community and I would love to hear from you!  Your comment could have a major impact on someone else.  Most likely it will be just the right thing at the right time for one of the readers. For me, God* wanted me to know that helping even just one person is wonderfully impactful.
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Reflective questions:
1.  Is it time for an uprising against your negative thoughts?

2.  What does God* want you to know about this (ask directly, "God, what do you want me to know?")

* I use the term God as a universal term.  You may decide that Great Spirit, Allah, Higher Power, Sensibility, etc. better suits you today.  It is not for me to decide.

Photo by MH, purposefully walking in the rain in the PERT

Note:  These posts are part of a broader call to do spiritual journaling which is simply journaling what's on your heart and mind and then asking God* what else you should know (read more at CardinalTouch.net).

Life Lessons Based on a Year in Focus (The Value of Looking Back)

If you asked me while I was at the end of it, 2017 seemed a tough year to me.  I think it's because when you are in a yucky space, that's the focus.  But, I think these last few months of difficulty were necessary for me to realize the importance of that space, so I can get back to the living that is best for me, the living that made the scales weigh in heavy favor for 2017. Let me make sense of this for myself and for my reader by listing a couple of realizations and the solutions for each.

Realization #1.  Meditation, while clearly instrumental in my becoming my best self, has made me realize that I have a constant "worse self." Two examples of my "worse self" are the the self that looks negatively at my own self image, and the self that recognizes I have judgmental thoughts about others.  Solution #1:  While I recognize that negative thoughts are part of the human existence, I can choose to get back to focusing on positive attributes of myself and others.  Having focused on my and others weaknesses made weaknesses stronger.  On the other hand, focusing on strengths, will make strengths stronger.  When I'm doing this, and I am doing this again, I feel at my best in every way including in my relationships, creatively, spiritually and physically. It's good to be back!

Realization #2.  When someone close to you is either taking care of themselves or isn't taking care of themselves, it might mean that you may feel you've been put on a back burner.  Either way, it's their journey, not yours.  Solution #2:  It's an important time to join the celebration if others are taking care of themselves, and if not, to really work on your own self.  (This fits with my belief that if we put God* first and ourselves second, everything else, including fulfilling our life's purpose in relation to others, falls into place.) 

Realization #3.  My life's purpose is beautifully small.  I have this amazing space of impacting those around me in small and meaningful ways.  Solution#3.  Stay in this space, because it makes for moments of joy, knowing that my little bits of beautifully small make a difference. 
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Now for the reflective questions which you can journal about or if you'd like to share your story, the community and I would love to hear from you!  Your comment could have a major impact on someone else.  Most likely it will be just the right thing at the right time for one of the readers. For me, God* wanted me to know that helping even just one person is wonderfully impactful.
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Reflective questions:
1.  When you consider the whole of last year, what feelings come up?

2.  What does God* want you to know about this (ask directly, "God, what do you want me to know?")

* I use the term God as a universal term.  You may decide that Great Spirit, Allah, Higher Power, Sensibility, etc. better suits you today.  It is not for me to decide.

Photo by MH

Note:  These posts are part of a broader call to do spiritual journaling which is simply journaling what's on your heart and mind and then asking God* what else you should know (read more at CardinalTouch.net).

Having Faith Means Denying Thoughts

I've told myself this, "If you say you have faith, then you must do it, you must HAVE faith."  That worked for me when I left my corporate job for a life of uncertainty.  That leap of faith has opened up a whole new world for me, and I'm so glad I jumped.  But the consideration of jumping isn't over.  I still often find myself in spaces that require me to make this decision.  I usually make the jump, but I usually need to do it with my eyes closed and holding my breath because it's scary and it often defies logic.  During times I don't make the jump, it's often because I let my brain get in the way.

Here's an example of letting my brain get in the way:
I've always wanted to improve my singing voice because I love to sing.  Only Maggie W., a friend in elementary school ever told me I have a nice voice.  I tried out for a Snow White production during this time, auditioning with the song "You Light Up My Life" by Debbie Boone and I tanked.  I was casted as a non-singing glow-in-the-dark dancing tree.  NOTE:  At other times, I'll use this as a positive example, because I did still love being in this play.  But in this case, I'm writing about the fact that this time, and many more times since then, I've been told that I can't sing.

Fast forward to about 5 years ago when I read about a voice coach at the Omega Institute.  I contacted him and found that we could do distance sessions, but when he told me it was $150 an hour, I declined.  I couldn't make that leap of faith because my brain took over.  Thoughts like, "it's too expensive," and "I won't be able to sing in front of a stranger" took control.  And make no mistake, the purpose was not that I could pursue a singing career, because I am at least a realist in this.  So I didn't lose out on that, but maybe I could have found my voice.

This window has closed for me, but it was still a good learning experience.  It reminds me that when I feel called to do something, I should do it without letting my brain take over with truly logical reasons, because a calling trumps logic.  It requires having faith and denying our thoughts. 
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Now for the reflective questions which you can journal about or if you'd like to share your story, the community and I would love to hear from you!  Your comment could have a major impact on someone else.  Most likely it will be just the right thing at the right time for one of the readers. For me, God* wanted me to know that helping even just one person is wonderfully impactful.
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Reflective questions:
1.  Did you recently make a decision to not "jump," to get ready for a "jump" or did you "jump" and how do you feel?

2.  What does God* want you to know about this (ask directly, "God, what do you want me to know?")

* I use the term God as a universal term.  You may decide that Great Spirit, Allah, Higher Power, Sensibility, etc. better suits you today.  It is not for me to decide.

Photo by MH

Note:  These posts are part of a broader call to do spiritual journaling which is simply journaling what's on your heart and mind and then asking God* what else you should know (read more at CardinalTouch.net).

Divine Time Unites Us

On Friday evening I saw Bruce Springsteen on Broadway.  To say it was a moving experience is an understatement.  His music has been a strong thread in my life because the man I love introduced me to it.  From there, certain songs and certain lyrics have stuck to me and made their own impressions.  I'm still processing the performance, including the fact that he ended by reciting the Our Father, a prayer that I pray often.  It was unexpected, but it connected the beginning of the performance to the end of the performance, a performance which all of us could do because the themes are repeatable:  life itself, the impact of each parent on us as individuals, our love and hate relationship with our home town, key relationships, and the movement of Spirit* in our lives. 

Because it is routine, without giving it any thought, today my prayerful time began with the Our Father. It was the actual citing of all of the words, over and over again, but then eventually it became a consideration of the movement of the prayer from oral tradition to having been written down.  When I considered my relationship with this prayer, I wondered if I memorized it as a result of speaking aloud the written words I read each week in the lectionary I held in the church pew, or if I already knew it before I had learned to read, simply because I had heard it repeated over and over again by others. I don't know the answer. 

What I do know is that the prayer, spoken alone, recited together with others or orated to us, is sacred.  I love this prayer for many reasons.  One, it provides solace because it connects me with others from the first word, "Our." The connection continues when it affirms that we are all imperfect, which is why we must ask for forgiveness and forgive others. This sacred space allows us to question our goodness, to see our faults, even awaken them. That's where I am now, allowing those closest to me, including myself, to see my faults. It's divine time, a waiting space, a space to be held, to be vulnerable.  It's very scary, but it brings me to another reason I love this prayer........it has promises of a better space (a heaven on earth). 

Writing "divine time" brings me back to the research that said that what's written in the gospels originated from oral teachings and that those teachings, including the teaching of this prayer, were believed to have been from logia (divine origin).  It also explained that many faiths have prayers with similar words.             

Two days ago, the morning after the show, I wrote this in my journal:  "I pray the Our Father over and over again because it grounds me.  I believe it also grounds the earth and the people who walk it.  Thank you for the creator of it.  Thank you for the believers who recited it over and over.  Thank you to the first person who wrote it down.  Who are you?  Did you know you were keeping reassurance alive, peace alive, cries for help alive, love alive?"

As usual, I have more questions than answers, but with divine time I feel connected. 
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Now for the reflective questions which you can journal about or if you'd like to share your story, the community and I would love to hear from you!  Your comment could have a major impact on someone else.  Most likely it will be just the right thing at the right time for one of the readers. For me, God* wanted me to know that helping even just one person is wonderfully impactful.
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Reflective

1.  Are you feeling connected or disconnected right now?

2.  What does God* want you to know about this (ask directly, "God, what do you want me to know?")

* I use the term God as a universal term.  You may decide that Great Spirit, Allah, Higher Power, Sensibility, etc. better suits you today.  It is not for me to decide.

Photo by MH

Note:  These posts are part of a broader call to do spiritual journaling which is simply journaling what's on your heart and mind and then asking God* what else you should know (read more at CardinalTouch.net).