Failure is a Spiritual Exercise

Recently I've begun to go back through my journals to see what insights I have gleaned since that time. I call it a rear view mirror view of my life.  In doing so I've recognized that so much of what I've learned often wasn't learned at the time of the experience, but has been learned by wise words shared by others that fit my past experiences.  

"Failure is a spiritual exercise" is a phrase my husband brought into my life, given to him by a wise friend and pastor.  I knew what the phrase meant but I didn't really know how it felt until I experienced it first-hand myself. 

It was quite a few years ago now.  I was coming from a place of fear and felt I needed to find a full-time job and switch from full-time to part-time student status.  So I found a job that started over the winter break and dove into a role I was still very good at and had given me life earlier, but was draining and unfulfilling at the present time. 

By then I had given my word to the headhunter that I would change my class schedule (thereby delaying graduation in my new field), and that the one hour commute was not a problem (but what about being late for class every evening?) and to my family I had said that I fixed the income problem.  

I was so unhappy with myself for taking that job AND for making promises that felt so wrong.  It undid the freedom I had felt when I gave my notice 6 months earlier. What happened though was an exercise in humility.  With my tail between my legs I went back to the headhunter and the employer and said I had made a mistake, that I was going to stay in school after all.  What a mess I had made!

Looking at an entry in my journal 3 months before taking that job, I had transcribed several verses from Ephesians 4: 1 - 16 which included the words "I plead with you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received, with perfect humility, meekness and patience...."

For me, I guess I needed to fail first to know that my new calling really was on my heart and needed to stay.

Reflective questions: 

1.  Is there a piece of your life that feels like it was a failure?

2.  Do you have something on your heart right now that feels good and holy, but are afraid to follow the call?

3.  What does God* want you to know about this (ask directly, God what do you want me to know?)

* I use the term God as a universal term.  You may decide that Great Spirit, Allah, Higher Power, etc. better suits you for today.  It is not for me to decide.