Failure is a Spiritual Exercise

Recently I've begun to go back through my journals to see what insights I have gleaned since that time. I call it a rear view mirror view of my life.  In doing so I've recognized that so much of what I've learned often wasn't learned at the time of the experience, but has been learned by wise words shared by others that fit my past experiences.  

"Failure is a spiritual exercise" is a phrase my husband brought into my life, given to him by a wise friend and pastor.  I knew what the phrase meant but I didn't really know how it felt until I experienced it first-hand myself. 

It was quite a few years ago now.  I was coming from a place of fear and felt I needed to find a full-time job and switch from full-time to part-time student status.  So I found a job that started over the winter break and dove into a role I was still very good at and had given me life earlier, but was draining and unfulfilling at the present time. 

By then I had given my word to the headhunter that I would change my class schedule (thereby delaying graduation in my new field), and that the one hour commute was not a problem (but what about being late for class every evening?) and to my family I had said that I fixed the income problem.  

I was so unhappy with myself for taking that job AND for making promises that felt so wrong.  It undid the freedom I had felt when I gave my notice 6 months earlier. What happened though was an exercise in humility.  With my tail between my legs I went back to the headhunter and the employer and said I had made a mistake, that I was going to stay in school after all.  What a mess I had made!

Looking at an entry in my journal 3 months before taking that job, I had transcribed several verses from Ephesians 4: 1 - 16 which included the words "I plead with you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received, with perfect humility, meekness and patience...."

For me, I guess I needed to fail first to know that my new calling really was on my heart and needed to stay.

Reflective questions: 

1.  Is there a piece of your life that feels like it was a failure?

2.  Do you have something on your heart right now that feels good and holy, but are afraid to follow the call?

3.  What does God* want you to know about this (ask directly, God what do you want me to know?)

* I use the term God as a universal term.  You may decide that Great Spirit, Allah, Higher Power, etc. better suits you for today.  It is not for me to decide.

Our Life in Fiction (Coincidence or God?)

I love to read and to gain an even better understanding of what I read by listening to other people's views.  So a book club to discuss books from the New York Times' Best Seller List was perfect for me.  But then I got skeptical.  Many of the books we were reading seemed to be a bit unrealistic.  There seemed to be too much drama in one person's life and the events and people that came in and out of the story seemed to hold too much coincidence.

But then I started to read nonfiction and have come to realize that those books of fiction did have some "truth" to them in that real lives can seem unbelievable at times.  For example, we have seen how one cataclysmic event can happen after another cataclysmic event for one of our friends or a family member.  We have probably said about our lives or other's lives, "What's the chance that that could happen the way it did?" or "What a coincidence that that keeps happening to me?"

Einstein said "Coincidences are God's way of remaining anonymous."  To me, *God is a super "fiction" writer then, interweaving the right people, places and things into our lives at the right time!  How is it possible?

The thing is, life is a marvel.  We are so interconnected with the people around us, people we are in relationship with and even those we walk past who we don't know.  Chances are we know someone they know or we did have a chance encounter before or will in the future.  There are things that we do that impact others that we may never know the extent of the impact.  There are things that other people do that have an enormous impact on us and they may never know the extent of it.  Life is marvelously complicated that way, more so than fiction even!

Reflective questions: 
1.  What coincidences have occurred in your life recently?  Do you see *God in any of them?
2.  Is there a piece of your life that feels unreal?  Why?

3.  What does God* want you to know about this (ask directly, God what do you want me know)?

* I use the term God as a universal term.  You may decide that Great Spirit, Allah, Higher Power, etc. better suits you for today.  It is not for me to decide.

Worry Warts

Are you good at praying?  I never felt that I was good at it, at open prayer that is, just saying what's on my heart.  But from a young age I was taught and could recite the Our Father or the Hail Mary, and they were good to recite.  Doing so gave me comfort because these repetitive prayers felt especially calming during times of worry.    

Sometimes when I am doing mindless activities, such as mowing the lawn, I spend it worrying.  Often it's not even what's happening in my life.  I could have had the best day ever.  Conversely it could be that there really is something going on in my world or the larger world.  Either way I come up with outrageous scenarios of what could happen or what I think is happening.  But when I ask myself if any of this is true right now, the answer is always no.  Even that realization though is often not enough to make it go away, but it's usually enough to make me want it to go away.  So then I distract myself with the repetitive prayers, asking God to clear the cobwebs from my brain and to let me spin something more productive.

The great thing is that it works.  How long it works depends on the extent of our worry and that's ok.  If we recite the words, it will bring us back to the present.    

Mindless worry is something all of us humans do.  It is a defect, a wart, but it can be overcome, at least temporarily, and then longer over time. We just need to find what works best for us.

Reflective questions:

1.  What are you worried about right now?  Is it true?

2.  Is there a song, a prayer, a word that you can repeat during this time of worry?  What’s the first thing that comes to mind?  What’s the second?

3.  What does God* want you to know about this (ask directly, God what do you want me know)?

* I use the term God as a universal term.  You may decide that Great Spirit, Allah, Higher Power, etc. better suits you for today.  It is not for me to decide.

Still a Teenager in my 40's

When I look back at my career transitions I often see fear as a constant theme.  I have been afraid of what people would think about me.  Moving from what you know to what is new is already scary enough.  But often it makes us go to that teenage space of "what will others think?"  It is sometimes enough to stop us on our path, to quit moving towards a life worthy of the calling we have received.  

Sometimes we are on the other side of this.  We think "what is s/he thinking?" when we think about choices our children, friends, family or acquaintances are making.  We may laugh at their ideas.  We may want them to conform.

Once when I was in the parking lot at the grocery store I embarrassed one of my teenage children when I yelled ahead to a stranger.  “Hey, I’ll take your cart back into the store for you since I am on my way in.”  Witnessing interactions with strangers by our parents can be embarrassing, I remember that.  But when I looked back to the time when I was starting school in my early 40’s to become a licensed massage therapist this same kid told me to "be myself and stand out."  Why?  Because even in our teenage years we learn resilience and cheer for the underdog.

Reflective questions:

1.  Are you in transition or watching someone you know/love struggle with finding their path?

2.  Where do you fall on the continuum of fear….are you sick with worry or do you feel the strength of *God behind you/them?

3.  What does God* want you to know about this (ask directly, God what do you want me know)?

* I use the term God as a universal term.  You may decide that Great Spirit, Allah, Higher Power, etc. better suits you for today.  It is not for me to decide.